Writings

CD

Here, you won’t find writing as in ‘prose’, but as in ‘lyrics’ for songs, written with my songwriting partner (and husband!) Jon Seagroatt. It’s not visual art, granted, but it is part of my creative life and therefore should have a home of it’s own.

We wrote all of these in the first few years of our meeting, and they speak of the huge upheaval in both of our lives in order to be together. It was a bit of a revolution…

‘Love hurts’, as another song goes and it kind of did then, but doesn’t now.

These are the lyrics for the 15 tracks from our album ‘Yearn’, released on 11.5.2021

70 BPM

Where’s the chalk marked path,
the one you told me about?
The flood has been up here
and washed the marks away.

You tried to warn me then,
you tried to make the road clear,
you told me all along
the one way route was planned.

The storm came months ago
how it blew between me and you.
It all streamed in too fast,
and drowned me in the rush.

Chorus:
So this is how it is now
who knows where you are
Staring at the sea
connection dead for now.

The edge is crumbling now
don’t slip and lose your hold
soon there’ll be no sign
no telling where it went.

There’s no sound for me
empty lines fill the space.
Can’t see if I’m blind,
you’ve got to show the way.

The fog swept your body up,
fading fast into black and grey.
Never showed again –
what is there left to say.

Chorus:
So this is how it is now
who knows where you are
Staring at the sea
connection dead for now.

GLOW

Parched as paper,
Spark from the glass
Touch the blue,
Soon I’ll glow.

I’ve been waiting,
To focus the beam,
Burn the light,
Fuel the dream.

Then there it is, breathe in,
A hint of breaking down,
Curl up and back,
Can’t stop the wave.

Breath of storms to come,
Skim the white horses.
Wild eyed and uncontrolled,
Stream inland.

This will not help,
It just fans the flame.
It can’t be held back,
It’s sure to come.

As a stone shows it’s beauty,
Wet on the beach,
You know that I told you
It can’t stay dry.

Stand back from me,
Please let me breathe,
I’m tricked out in gold,
You must believe.

Wired and waiting,
To call in the debt,
The line is alive,
Begin the test.

Now the storm is above,
It takes all in its path.
Paper is first to tear
And first to burn…

139

Everything’s different, a change is here
(not as it was before)
Too strange and different now
(broken from the form)
Powerless to help this result,
I hold my place…
Stay on standby, hold my ground

And you tell me every thing’s so unclear
(this trouble takes it’s toll)
Everything’s tangled up so much
(I need to unravel)
So the long wait must sustain
(longing still I wait)
Can’t make out a better plan

Don’t think too much,
Damn the flow:
Yet still you smile
While you tell me the hurt.
In my oxygen a deep response
-the skin’s sharp tang remains with me.

Now the conscience calls and pulls away
(calls and pulls and time runs out)
We close our eyes and hours have gone
(closing closer slipping down)
Can’t prove intensity
Can’t release the bond
Guilt fights indulgence now

Replenishing
and redolent,
Suggests to me
A tangible sign
Footfalls on my spirit marked the start
Of a slow beginning – unresolved
Everything’s different, a change is here…
Too strange and different now.
Everything’s tangled up so much
Can’t make out a better plan

HISTORY

Where were you and where was I,
More than half a life away?
Time I’ll never re-possess,
Never lay my claim to you.

Chorus:
I tell you all these things,
There’s so many new things.
Write me into your history,
Write me into your history.

No way to pull you back to me,
Separate the memory.
No undo and no re-edit,
Re-arrange the alphabet.

Chorus:
I tell you all these things,
There’s so many new things.
Write me into your history,
Write me into your history.

Where were you and where was I?

TALK TO MYSELF

I talk to myself – don’t cross that line
I talk to myself – stop yourself falling
I talk to myself – this is out of reach
I talk to myself – no words can touch it – not even ours….

Keep yourself to yourself,
Don’t understand it.
Keep yourself to yourself,
You’ll only spoil the system.
All this long time – such a wait,
All this long time…

CHORUS:
Speak without a word,
Maybe I’ll be heard,
Read between all the lines,
See without your eyes,
Feel a soul who tries,
To reveal what’s inside

Can we modify, or identify,
All the unspoken truth?
Understand me now, I can’t tell you how,
To give ultimate proof

Keep a hold on myself – that’s how I have to live it,
Keep a hold on myself – stick to the hard line.
I hold in the words to stay this close to you,
I hold in the words, to make it keep working – make it keep working.

Stand and look across, it used to be so easy,
It’s a million miles, yet only a stretch.
Now all the people complicate it,
So talk to me now, if that’s the only way.

CHORUS:
Speak without a word,
Maybe I’ll be heard,
Read between all the lines,
See without your eyes,
Feel a soul who tries,
To reveal what’s inside

Can we modify, or identify,
All the unspoken truth?
Understand me now, I can’t tell you how,
To give ultimate proof

When I talk to myself is it only me,
Can you hear what I say, and what’s really happening?
Trade a truth for a truth, give your eyes to my eyes,
Tell me how you feel…….don’t say anything.

COMPASS

I’m working out the clues to this big story
Stopping constantly and looking round to find them.
At first it was all dim and fuzzy feeling,
Stretching out my arms to stop myself from falling.

Now what was that you said to me about it?
I couldn’t hear, I didn’t know what you were saying.
And though there was no way and no direction
I just hoped I’d find a clearer way to see it.

Chorus:
A hand hold, a compass
A tough line to steer with me.
So trace back the fault line
You made it OK for us.

So now a few things seem to surface for me,
Fresh and new and looking like they’ve never been lost.
And though the key was never hidden from me
I had to find a way of using what was offered.

Chorus:
A hand hold, a compass
A tough line to steer with me.
So trace back the fault line
You made it OK for us.

You anchored me here,
This much is clear.
You offered a line,
I held this time.
Secured with a word,
Unseen, unheard.
I wouldn’t have come this far alone.

Rpt Chorus.

STEP AWAY

Stumbling, I step away
From the stones to the arms.
Enfolding, encircling
Keep me safe, hold me in place.

Do I want to leave?
Five fields between
Treading carefully
Set the pace, leaving that place.

It’s solid and strong
But a stranglehold, nothing but cold…
But the heart that’s here will let me out,
Release the doubt.

Chorus:
Taking off the
Chill protection
Let the soul in
(I’ll be ok.)

Turn to the safe place,
Breathe in the stream
Bale out the bad blood
Wash in the clean
Take your palm slowly from my back
Without me knowing…

And close in to save me
I’ll still be here
If falling is learning
The sense will be there
Like oil on the surface
I’ll stay above the deep
Blacked out with blue cold
But I will not sleep

Chorus:
Taking off the
Chill protection
Let the soul in
(I’ll be ok.)

Rpt x4

PEARLS

Trawling the outer limits,
My treasures keep falling,
I salvage scents and scraps of gold.

Searching for shreds of insight,
It’s dark at the perimeter,
Shadows and nebulous designs.

As I move back and forth,
Spanning wide in a curve.

Chorus:
However I spread the net,
I find accidental pearls.
A stone in the shape of a hand,
A piece of wreckage tangled in,
A passing breath of salt and skin.

Sifting it like a scavenger,
Worry some pieces into shape,
Something to take us somewhere close.

Take this fugitive sound,
Fix and channel it down.

Taking off the
Chill protection
Let the soul in
(I’ll be ok.)
However (repeat chorus).

As I angle the line,
Marking out by degrees.

Taking off the
Chill protection
Let the soul in
(I’ll be ok.)

Chorus:
However I spread the net,
I find accidental pearls.
A stone in the shape of a hand,
A piece of wreckage tangled in,
A passing breath of salt and skin x 3

DIVERSIONS

I am held suspended – time wastes,
it is almost static in an hour of days
and the route maps only show
this diversion back to you .

And the blue freeways are not so free
but they take the straight and narrow constant line
so slow, but even so…
our feet don’t touch

Speed, but no movement in the air
clandestine journeys in the heat…

Hit a crossroads and a stop sign,
but the brakes don’t seem to work
acceleration pushing on

Coming through the back roads,
travelling the unknown road
coming through the backroads
travelling the unknown road
lines converging at the junction

Now this long diversion takes the scenic route
but the rock starts shifting underneath my feet
rising and bursting through the green
some geological design…

So I’m lost in backroads, can’t find the contour
but I’m trying to understand the legend and the key

Place an imprint of you on my map,
leave impressions of me on your land,
let me trace aline across the bridge

Retrace and reassure me, plot the uncertainty in me

DRIFT

Take this ache away…
Every cycle of dark and light
Won’t take the ache away
Descending with dead weight
Twisting the tendons tight
In a fistful of spiral,
Threading their course
Suppressing sensation, till there’s no where to go.

Leave the lid on – it’s all screwed up,
Though it’s empty, the voice is brimful
And the phrase won’t turn – I’m speechless
And the thread’s crossed, there’s no undoing.

Diving for vacant space-
You’re the anchor of this free-fall,
Almost too far gone, near the bottom and out of rope.
Tentatively I stretch,
Just to find you are still there,
Keeping a watch while I’m blazing the trail-
Holding on to me.

My soft landing the feather bed,
The sandbar in the riverbed.
You eroding the roughest edges,
Finding bedrock in deepest pools.

Soothe this ache away
Cool the pain away
Feeling will fade away
Let me drift to you.

END OF THE LINE

Someone’s speaking to me …
Where on earth are you
The message tells me
Sing a wish and leave my name

Was that the last call
Unavailable to me….
Direct line goes nowhere
You must check and try again

I’m sick of trying (check again)
A voice in the void.

Re-appear and reassure that
All is OK
The lifeline’s all connected
All installed and secure.
Will you recognise it
Will the code be right
I can indicate and direct the light

Couldn’t take control, you lost the line
In the dark you came apart
A message is waiting
Harbouring the hate of what you’ve done
Now i just can’t reconcile
The breaking of the word
Your circle of untruth nurtures more
And keeps you running

Now you’re disconnected
The set up’s broken down
You come inside a few steps
Test the line, turn around

It is much too easy
To go miles away
Not that you can’t fix it
You just never meant to stay
This is the message (try again)
I won’t go away….

BREATHING

Breathe your sensitivity into me with every breath
Express the heart of it through your thinking
With every ounce of your restraint
Blow a stream, a turned current,
With the slightest twist
To wake me up from this ending

Exhale a skein of shiver, take away my sick silence
Relocate the beginning, exit the main drag
Don’t hold your breath – I’ll still smile
Keep the heartbeat this steady,
Transfuse your sound to me,
All I want is to keep living

Free my sensibility, surprise me every time,
Slip down to this dream with me
In the dark where nothing matters,
Make a pact and close the deal
With a word, or a turn of phrase.
Turn I swear it will be
Constant if you listen

Long rivers, blown with ripples,
Soundings from another depth.
In the full force of your breathing,
Wrapped around with tireless sound,
Part held and part released
This is how I hear it.
Hold me in silent suspense
Pour a full measure

THE POOL

Got a picture in my head –
It’s two kinds of blue with a glittery edge
Like a David Hockney pool
Curving and waving with watery cool.

Deep down to the depth, surface to catch a breath, (Rpt)

You’re a diving fish that breathes,
You swim with a fin from the shimmering heat.
You cut and slice the swell,
Flipping and turning and floating so well.

Deep down to the depth, surface to catch a breath, (Rpt)

Hold me in the blue,
Feel my skin next to you.
Touch a nerve with a kick
Keep me in the picture,
Keep me in the picture,

On the silent burning stone,
Footsteps trailing near to the bone.
Just a bird to crack the mood,
Breaking the spell of feeling so good.

Deep down to the depth, surface to catch a breath, (Rpt)

In the picture in my head,
Nothing will change nothing is said.
The dream of idle time
Is filled with an image of colour and line.

Draw it in your head, remember how it felt

SPARKLE

A head full of sparkle – comet trail,
Shot through with a seam of fairytale.
Some heavenly body arcs in the blue,
I watch and intently listen to you.
Shimmering silver seems to hold the static – this is it!

This timeless arrangement holds a force,
Your gravity pulls and sets the course.
A million questions fire up the night,
Burn up in a spectre of northern light…
Heart in my mouth is choking – there’s no sleep now – in deep now.

Chorus:
Feel that it’s given free,
Mix it all up with me…
Turn on a wing so light,
Everything will be right.

This easy equation equals two,
My simple addition counts with you.
This rescue mission came just in time,
Take time with the timing, it will be right.

Climb into an orbit stable and true,
Ahead of the clouds I know what to do.
Word up my addiction – hard to explain,
Unzip everything and see what remains.
Treasure up shiny pieces linked together…forever.

Chorus:
Feel that it’s given free,
Mix it all up with me…
Turn on a wing so light,
Everything will be right.

LODESTAR

She loves him, it’s true
Their love is tender, tender and true.
Gentle with her and although
That’s what she needed, she didn’t know.

It’s intimate and real,
So euphoric is the feel.
She never wanted to stop,
Without a doubt they were meant to be.

Heartfelt the feeling expressed,
Given to her unreserved.
She knows that it’s sincere with him;
Making the time, devoted to her.

He says that it will be fine,
And she believes him, every time.
And so it turns out to be;
That’s what she needed all through her life.

Sending some words in the dark:
He says “be my lodestar, leave your mark.”
Messages making a pledge,
“Breath of my life, you are loved by me.”

Hoping to strengthen the tie,
Making the love of their lives.
Helplessly desirous of him,
She says, ”He’s my obsession, he’s my obsession.”

It’s intimate and real,
So euphoric is the feel.
She never wanted to stop,
Without a doubt they were meant to be.

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